Saturday, February 10, 2007

WOW! What a week!

Earlier this week, I wanted to crawl under a rock and die! I began a new job in the first week of December, working for the local community mental health agency, something that is near and dear to my heart. On Tuesday morning, I was told I needed to be in the Personnel Director's office at 1600 hours. When I asked why, I was told that I just needed to be there. I 'supposed' all day, as I worked very hard to get caught up on the pile of paperwork that had built up over the last 10 days. At 1555 hours, I cleaned up the office and drove over the building that the Personnel Director worked in. As I walked in, the two ladies present told me the director was in a meeting and the asked me how I liked my new job. I gave them my honest opinion that I loved it, because the staff seemed to 'prevent fires,' rather than 'run around putting them out,' which equates to being proactive, rather than reactive. I was then lead to a conference room and told to have a seat. As the players began to arrive, my immediate supervisor, the department receptionist, the Personnel Director, and finally the Director of Mental Health Services for the County, my heart began to sink to the floor. I braced myself for what I knew was not going to be good. The Mental Health Director spoke first. He told me that we were there to discuss my termination, to which, I just grit my teeth. He told me that I was a wonderful individual, who had great nursing skills, was loved by the clients I served, and was liked by my co-workers. My case was different than 'other terminations,' as I had made it clear that I loved what I was doing and didn't see the termination coming. I was everything they were looking for in the person who was to fill the position, but I was being terminated. HUH? How can you honestly tell someone that, and then fire them in the next breath? It's beyond me! When he was finished, I turned to my immediate supervisor who reiterated the Director's sentiments, but added that I 'just' wasn't 'a good fit.' HUH? As she struggled for words, I had to be my helpful self, and give her what she was looking for: 'A square peg, trying to fit in a round hole.' 'YES! A square peg, trying to fit into a round hole! Of course!' Me and my big mouth! I maintained my cool until everyone had a chance to speak their piece. They said I spent too much time with the clients I served. Now, keep in mind, these are clients diagnosed with chronic mental illness. If the powers that be had their way, I would spend 15 minutes with each one and carry a caseload of 40 rather than spend the necessary time and carry a caseload of 25. I turned to my supervisor and asked: 'Do you want a robot that goes into client's homes and goes through the motions or a real person who cares about the people they serve?' To which, she responded: 'Both.' I told her I really didn't believe you could have both, but I thought I had been doing the best anyone could do to make it happen the way she wanted it to happen. Our conversation went on for a few more minute, after which, I asked my final question: 'Is there anything I could do or say to, perhaps, make you reconsider?' I was told I had already been given a 'second chance,' and failed. In my opinion, I didn't fail. I was set up for failure and rose to conquer the challenge. I've done a lot of thinking over the past few days. I've considered accepting the hand I was dealt, and I've considered asking for a reshuffle. At first, I was embarrassed and ashamed of having been fired, as this has never happened to me before. One of the special requests I made, out of genuine concern for the people I had the privilege of caring for, was that they be told the truth regarding what had happened to me, even if it made me out to be incapable. I have been on the other end of situations like this. I would much rather know the truth than some cockamamie story. I was assured the clients would be told, with much care, what happened to me, and that I didn't 'abandon' them. Well, guess what? I ran into the daughter of one of the more precious individuals I had the opportunity to serve and learned that she was told only that 'I no longer worked for the agency.' Her daughter told me that her Mom was furious that I was no longer going to be her case manager. I can only imagine what the other clients have been told and how they are feeling about it! So, based on this, I have decided to ask for a reshuffle. On Monday, I am going to whatever it takes to get an appointment with the Director of Mental Health and present my defense. I've never wanted to be seen as 'someone who makes waves,' but this time, I think it's the right time and for the right reasons. More than ever, I believe the real reason for my dismissal was more of a personality conflict, rather than an actual issue with my job performance.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers, as I go forward on this issue. Pray that I will say the right things in the right way, so that I might, once again, help others in a way I really believe I can.